“Have you that something, that burning desire?
Have you that something, that never doth tire?
Oh, if you have it — that Heavenly Fire!
Then let the world know there is something within.
Something within me — that holdeth the reins,
Something within me — that banishes the pain;
Something within me — I cannot explain,
All that I know is — there is something within.
I met God one morn, my soul feeling bad,
Heart heavy laden with a bowed down head.
He lifted my burden and made me so glad,
All that I know — there is something within.
Something within me — that holdeth the reins,
Something within me — that banishes the pain;
Something within me — I cannot explain,
All that I know is — there is something within.”

– By L. E. Campbell

I was contacted this morning by Tony to consider a contribution to this phenomenal tool called – “Old School Dad.” I was asked to share a personal life experience that others could benefit — by their reading it on the blog. I said to him, “I will simply write a healing message to myself.”

I have retired from two careers. One is from public service as an accountant and the second one is from Bible teaching. When asked by many who have known me for years what I am doing now —I have to tell them about my plate that overflows. Many who ask simply stand in awe – and wonder how I am able to do the things I do in my retired years.

I currently raise three children (two nephews-15 and 9, one niece-14). At the same time, my 90 yr. old mother now lives with us and she is almost totally dependent for help with almost everything. Added to this responsibility her capacity is diminishing it seems by the day. Her awareness however, is still strong enough to resist accepting outside help that she obviously needs which increases the stress in the home.

A trip to the emergency room with her complaining about aggravating headaches revealed that she is experiencing symptoms from “an old stroke” — that somehow went undetected even though she has maintained monthly visits with her doctors for years.

The children have been with me since the ages of 5 and 6 (now 15 and 14) and their brother who is now 9 has been with me since he was nearly two. They have lived a privileged life never needing or wanting for anything and have always had more than many children have — including love and a healthy social life. After all this however, I am experiencing a challenge with them — not having an innate desire for success. This has cost me a tremendous amount of money, time and stress in schools for the last two years — because I know that if I don’t keep doing what I am doing for them — then their life could go in the same direction both their parents’ went — which is to the streets.

No one needs advanced degrees in education to know that their lives have been negatively affected by their past. It is shameful that so many children are affected in this manner — with many lives irreversibly destroyed — simply because someone chose to have a few many minutes of pleasure in exchange for the destruction of human life. And then after that, they are able to walk away from the life they created — as if it were a puppy in a shelter or worse — on the streets.

I am no longer able to do the work that I loved for so many years which is to travel from city to city and state to state, teaching the Bible and preaching the Word. This always gave me the greatest joy I ever experienced in life. Instead, I chose to serve as a “Life Angel” — for these three children and to serve as a “Transitional Life Nurse” — for my mother. I do this with minimal help from my family and my revenue generating ability has been handicapped. Still I am able to maintain in all areas.

Many times I am asked — “How do you do it?” I can still find the joy I once had — when I was teaching and preaching — it always rises in my heart when I answer the question by saying to those who ask this question —

“Something within me — that holdeth the reins,
Something within me — that banishes the pain;
Something within me — I cannot explain,
All that I know is — there is something within.”

And So It Is.